warning :)

Sorry for any typos. I mostly blog from my iPhone lying in bed nursing a baby or sitting on the couch nursing a baby, or wearing a baby nursing. In between home schooling and laundry and diaper changing. Oh did I mention I might be nursing a baby? The point is, I rarely sit down at the computer. Thanks for understanding. You're the best!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

breast-feeding week. MY struggle to breast-feed.



I'm nursing my 16 month old baby girl as I'm typing this. (not easily I might add, she thinks is funny to kick my arm). Today I am actually using a computer (I usually blog from my iPhone) My phone is easier to use I am finding out. A lot less arm kicking.

Anyway, enough about where I'm typing hey?

If you didn't know, It's World breast-feeding week and really breast-feeding month. I love breast-feeding. It however, has not always come so naturally to me. When my first baby was born, I was very ready to nurse this sweet blessing from God. All went well enough at the hospital, until I meet with the lactation consultant (if thats what she really was, I don't know) She told me I had inverted nipples and handed my a nipple shield and a prescription for a breast pump.

I instantly, thought I was broken. It broke my heart. I didn't know what to do after that. My husband and mom were very supportive and tried to encourage me, but This was new for all of us.  I cried and tried to feed my baby. I pumped like crazy day and night. All while trying to nurse. But I really felt like I just couldn't do it. After just a couple of weeks, I gave in to pumping only. After What seemed like forever (it was only 3 months) I started formula feeding.

All This time I was also struggling with, just not feeling like a good mom. I put on a good face in public, but I was Sad! I just wanted to be able to feed and nurture my baby.

In an attempt to gain some sanity I started a rather strict schedule. And a cry it out method of Parenting. Most people would have thought, I had it all together. I thought I had it together. I was "that mom" that pushed sleep training (sorry friends) But inside I felt like a failure. Silly? Maybe. But it was what it was.
My son paid the price for my unattached parenting style. I just wasn't always nurturing. I was so focused on being the perfect parent. Or rather, having the perfect baby.

After 4 years I was pregnant again. This time I was determined to breast-feed.

After The birth of my second son, I meet the most wonderful lactation consultants in the world. At the hospital they had a breast-feeding support group every single tuesday. It was a come and go group. they usually had 2 lactation consultants, and doctor in the room. You could have your baby weighed and talk to a dr, or lactation consultant. They were sooooo helpful and supportive and great problem solvers.

I went every week. They were so encouraging. They helped me more then I can say. I am so Thankful for them (I'm tearing up a little) They also helped me know, I was not a bad mom for not nursing my first baby. They helped me understand how to nurture him now along with my new baby.

The next thing that helped me was Dr Sears website. I went to the problem solving page and would read it on my phone while I was breast-feeding. It was so helpful to read that having inverted nipples isn't a hindrance to breast-feeding, because baby should be latching on the whole areola not the nipple anyway! I was a very encouraging website. also Some of his books
are great (I don't agree with all of it, but they were so encouraging)

I also found (and later read) that breast-feeding can very much help the baby blues. I found this to be true.  but also letting go of my crazy dictator schedule and just really enjoyed being with each baby also helped a lot.

I gave up some of the control and tried to let God and His word lead. This book was helpful Brestfeeding and Catholic Motherhood

I have now breast-fed 3 of my 4 children. tandem nursed #2 and #3 together and #3 and #4 together. I read this while pregnant with #3 to try and prepare. I am now only nursing the youngest.

Mothering is quite the adventure and breast-feeding is no exception.

How has your nursing relationship been?

4 comments:

  1. I also had fairly rigid ideas about child rearing. But nothing has felt more right when Gretchen was born then being close to her. After being attached to her for 9 mo it just felt unnatural to distance myself from her. That and every time she cried cause she just wanted to be held and near me I couldn't say no as I loved spending every moment with her and it felt wonderful to feel so loved and wanted. Saying no felt like saying no to a hug, how can you turn down a hug.

    And breast feeding is one of my favorite parts about being a mom and bonding with my kids!

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  2. oh Amanda! That post made me tear up. You know the struggles I had with H and I remember the first time meeting you at my house and sharing our stories and finalky feeling like someone understood me. I pumped for just over 13 months for her and I am now 10 1/2 months into nursing #2 abd showing no signs of stopping!

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  3. oh Amanda! That post made me tear up. You know the struggles I had with H and I remember the first time meeting you at my house and sharing our stories and finalky feeling like someone understood me. I pumped for just over 13 months for her and I am now 10 1/2 months into nursing #2 abd showing no signs of stopping!

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  4. I had a bit of a rough start with my first one, but am so glad that I didn't give up. It's so nice to hear that I'm not the only one who ever struggled though. :) Thanks for being so open Amanda!

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